Beatty, You Beauty

So this is what I did today. I went on an hour and a half drive with my good buddy Cait and her mom to Beatty, Nevada. There was a reason we went, I promise. You see, there is a candy store there. It's big. And full of candy. Cait's mom has some guilt issues where is comes to being a good mother, and she seems to try and make up for it in gifts. A lot of gifts. Also food. And junk. 106 dollars worth of junk food. I felt especially happy that there was a rather large section devoted to sugar-free candy. My eyes only saw the chocolate however. Having arthritis is a challenge in and of itself, but the limitations it puts on my diet are possibly the biggest challenge of my life. The candy was a gift from the Gods put into my hands and mouth via the ever generous Bonnie. During the car ride back to Las Vegas I texted my mama to tell her that I had just eaten my weight in sugar-free chocolate, and that I was never going to be as happy as I was at that moment. She responded simply, "Warning. Sugar free candy gives you diarrhea." What?... It didn't make sense. My mind was muddled and tired. I decided she was just jealous or mistaken, and I quickly fell asleep for the rest of the way back.

All was well as I sat in the outdoor hot tub watching Whip It in the sprinkling rain. I was content in my ideal happiness... Until... My tummy squirmed. It twisted and shouted. I was not ready to die, but it seemed I had reached the end of my road here on earth. I then remembered what my mother had cautioned. I was not excited for the night ahead.It is now three thirty in the morning, and I am officially done with this stupid, fake, sneaky chocolate forever. Or until I miss candy again.. Whichever.