Fuzzy Face

My brain is literally leaking out the back of my head. This whole weekend has been a veritable blur. I've had something to do every minute of every day. Therefore, I've slept around 5 hours since Friday. It's been stressful, fun, exciting, scary, confusing, painful and many other primo words that I simply can't think of because of the aforementioned lack of brain matter...

But guess what? I got new pants. I wish you could see my face right now. It looks kind of like a sideways colon with a capital 'd' right after it. I'll tell more about my weekend later. But here's some Halloween pictures that are really ridiculous.. Ridiculously awesome.

I will be okay

What is my purpose? My talents are so hidden that I can't even find them. I know my mother would say I have a secret, magic something inside of me. But I'm sure that it would just be another piece of me that I've stolen from someone else. I feel like a crappy knock-off of all the people I admire. Which is okay because I want to emulate them, but I eventually end up having no idea who I am or what I really want. I just have all these half-way talents. They are skills that are only impressive to complete morons who, like me, have no talent. Unluckily, I have surrounded myself almost exclusively with truly amazing and impressive people. I love my friends. And I love that they know what they want... Most of the time. Until I am forced to remember life goes on after college, and I need to grow up. Then the panic sets in. It will be okay. It will be okay. It will be okay. Put on a smile and the moment will pass. I am a positive person. That is my talent. I think it will get me far. My kindness and sincerity will be my purpose. Is that allowed? I hope so. That's all I've got so far.

The rain, the rain

Today was exquisite. It all started when I looked in my closet and saw that everything I own is now in a dirty, rancid pile on the floor. So I had to get a little creative. Luckily I'd been practicing. After dolling myself up for far to long considering I was headed to a 3D studio for class, I walked the two blocks in the rain feeling dark and depressing. Which put me in an absolutely fantastic mood. Class lasted all of 6 minutes before I was told to go and find the supplies I needed. I left to find instead my fellow red haired friend and the pearls my outfit desperately needed. 8 dollars poorer never felt so good.

Subway

I wrote this after my first subway ride by myself. It was magical.

The tracks are black and imposing. My stomach is in my mouth. Should I be worried? I’m all alone underneath the earth. I am alone with the rattling. Do I trust? I take the plunge. Risks are for the living. Sitting there I feel the excitement flood my senses. I don’t know what’s about to happen, and finally I don’t care. I’m not stressing just embracing. I am rumbling down the dark tunnel. I glance around everyone is dead to the world. They are deaf and unresponsive. I-pods, books and newspapers populate the area. I sit by the window and realize suddenly there are just the dark tunnel walls to stare at. People, although unresponsive, are much more interesting. All at once we pop out of the dark and come to a stop. The doors open. Two seconds are given to decide to get on or off. Quickly now here someone comes. He sits as far away from strangers as possible. I am surprised at how long I can stare at people without them noticing. It’s almost voyeuristic. I am looking in at their lives in progress. My stop is coming. I feel excited but sad. My experience is coming to an end. I take a long look at the people in my vicinity, as eyes finally meet mine. I have forgotten the proper thing to do. Instead of smiling I keep staring at eyes that aren’t moving. Then I remember and smile. Better late then never. I step off the train away from the tracks that go on, it seems, continuing forever. I leave behind the people sitting there with blank faces. They are unaware that they have been a part of my life. I silently say good bye, savoring the experience. I emerge from underground. I momentarily panic. Will I be able to find it? There it is just where they said it would be. Extreme elation replaces worry as I hop and skip gleefully to my destination. I have done it, and alone as well! I and brimming with pride and joy, as I skip into warm and welcoming arms…